Journalists aren't the only ones who should listen intently. Find out how to sharpen your interviewing skills to make the most of your connections.
Everybody knows the feeling of dread that comes along with a lull in conversation at a party, networking event, or even a job interview.
The usual small talk has already been conducted, and then, oof, you run into a dead end. How do you proceed?
The most extroverted of us know that conversation skills do not always come naturally-but experts, like those at the TED conference, have had quite a bit of practice.
Interviewers, writers, journalists, and others who regularly speak with sources have developed tried and true techniques that help them develop a deep understanding of people.
Interviews with thought leaders can provide a wealth of content for your blog or website, but the skills learned during the interview process are equally useful for many forms of communication as well.
Terry Gross, known for her inimitable style on the radio program Fresh Air, recently admitted that she hasn't always been comfortable with communicating.
"I feel incredibly lucky that I know how to talk to people because I've spoken to so many people and now I can start a conversation with anyone. Because I used to be extremely shy, which made it very uncomfortable to do something like that.
Getting to know new people is essential to feeling like we are more connected to those we care about, feeling understood in a team, and feeling understood.
From the best interviewers in history, you can learn six different communication tricks that may be useful in keeping your cool during an interview, building a new relationship, or becoming the best conversationalist in the room.
1. PREPARE NOTES FIRST, TOSS THEM
Interviewers who are good do their homework on their subjects - some even hire a staff member to collect these materials.
Do your research before speaking with the person or people you'll be speaking with. Getting to know your subject will make you feel more confident, and make your subject more likely to open up.
In reality, you rarely see a professional interviewer referencing notes or following a script during the moment of truth. As TV talk show veteran Dick Cavett advises, a better, more casual approach is to just stay in the moment and allow the conversation to flow naturally.
In order to conduct a good interview, the interviewer must make their subjects feel comfortable enough so they can open up and reveal something real and true about themselves. That's only possible when they both feel vulnerable. Because he focuses more on connection than research, comedian Marc Maron, host of the popular podcast WTF, presents his material as a joke.
2. ARRANGEMENTS IN MOOD, ENERGY LEVEL, LANGUAGE, AND BODY LANGUAGE
Katie Couric gives the advice that the more comfortable you make someone feel during the interview, the better your chances are of getting the job.
What are some ways to make someone more comfortable? A great interviewer makes the subject feel comfortable by meeting them where they are at. A good match means matching their energy level, mood, language style, and even their body language.
Setting the stage for an even conversation is a simple act of tone and energy calibration, and mirroring your talking partner's body language will reassure them that you are engrossed in the conversation. Keep your body language subtle.
You can also defuse a hard conversation or argument by using your body, such as facing the person in question (turn so you are facing them), and watching their feet to know when they are ready to leave (do they point to the door? It's time for them to leave).
A key factor to getting your questioning right, says Fresh Air's Terry Gross, is matching the right line with the right subject. It is rarely a one-size-fits-all type of interview.
3. FLEXIBLE LISTENING PRACTICE
Often the simplest part of holding a conversation or conducting an interview is the most challenging. Listening the right way is the key.
An adept interviewer will not only listen to the words their subject says but also the tone that the words are spoken in, the pauses and subtleties that have been left out of the answer.
Through active, flexible listening, they can break off from the previous subject to move on to the next. They can also determine if it is appropriate to probe a little deeper with a follow-up question.
The best answers are often found in unusual questions - but this opportunity can only be discovered through thoughtful listening. Keep your ears and camera open to what is said in the conversation and be ready to adjust accordingly.
You're concerned that you'll forget to pick up on an important point after going down a rabbit hole in conversation? Take a page from Dick Cavett and use his "outrageous image" technique.
4. ENHANCE THE POWER OF PAUSE
Remember that dreaded lull we mentioned earlier? Sometimes, it can be a valuable tool to reach out to an audience.
A professional interviewer often draws out more information from a subject by using the power of silence at the end of the answer when they feel as if they are holding something back.
If your subject answers a tough or thoughtful question, count to three - or five if you're up for it. Even though it can seem agonizing at first, this method works wonders to develop a deeper bond between two individuals when used with empathy.
The power of the pause can also be used in a difficult situation, such as salary negotiation since people tend to fill in the silence. He explains to his guests how he uses the tough love style in interviews:
5. CULTIVATING CURIOSITY: THE DALE CARNEGIE APPROACH
There are many tried and true techniques that can be used, but they don't work without one thing-curiosity on the part of the interviewer.
Even the best-trained communication skills cannot compete with a true desire to understand the people around you. Gay Talese, a renowned journalist, and author, once said: "If you wish to know the value of a good book, read it.".
By paying attention to details, dedicating more time to the ideas that grab your attention, and being attentive to people around you, you can cultivate curiosity in your everyday life.
The beauty of curiosity, according to Dale Carnegie, is that it makes it nearly impossible to resist for anyone around you.
How have you developed tips and tricks for connecting with people and having meaningful conversations? Share with your friend and family.
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